Goodbyes

I'm in Arizona this minute in a Hospice Home. My daughter is exhausted and napping on the cot in her dad's room. Everyone has left and it is just her and I now. The last aunt left this morning. Mike is resting. He hasn't woke up much the past two days and we are grateful he is not in pain. Hospice is great with giving pain meds when needed. I wrote the following paragraphs last week before coming out but never posted it. I feel the need to do that now.

"I've never been good at goodbyes. I cry when I leave people. I cry when I leave my kids after a visit, I cry when they leave me. When my ex and I used to travel and visit with friends, I'd cry when we left them. I'd cry when we left his mom's or his sisters. I cry. I'm a cryer, guess there is nothing else to say about that. I need to be strong this week. I need to be strong for my kids and for my ex and for his sister and for my self. I am going out to say goodbye to the man I have known since I was about 9 or 10 years old, the man who is the father of my children and the man I have spent a major part of my life with. I talked to him the other night and cannot believe how much weaker he sounds in just a few days. I pray he holds on till I get there but yet how selfish is that. I do not want him in any more pain than he already is. I don't want to go but yet I have to. My daughter needs me now probably more than she ever has. I need to do this to be able to live with myself. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shouders since I made the decision to go. I'm at peace with my decison and know that this is the only thing I could have done. I am so very grateful that my husband is "okay" with this. No, he is not happy about it and No, I am not sure he even understands. But he is "okay" with it and I guess that is truly all I can ask for. Please people, if there is a relay team in your area, sign up for it. Donate to the American Cancer Society, lets all do what we can to help erradicate this terrible disease that takes so many of our families and friends."