The things you remember. Sometimes things you'd like to forget but they come back to haunt you. Tomorrow, March 6, it will be two years since my first heart attack and the life flight to UPMC. Although at the time we did not know it was a heart attack or that I would be flown to Pittsburgh the following day. I remember it was a Sunday, a quiet one. John was sleeping, he had to go to work at 5 that night. I spent a quiet day doing a bit of housework, reading, watchng tv etc. I was feeling "okay" although I had been fighting a cold for a few days. Shortly after John left for work Michelle called and we talked for quite a while. I was sitting on the loveseat, in what was at the time the little tv room. It wasn't long after we hung up that I got violently sick. Terrible headache, pains, but mostly vomiting, freezing, shaking and pacing..I couldn't sit still, couldn't lay down, couldn't quit shaking, I paced and I paced up and down the long hall way. I would try to lay down on the sofa in the living room, then pace, then try the bed, then pace. At one point in the middle of that long, long, night,I bundled up good, it was freezing outside that day too, then went out to the car. I was going to drive myself to the hospital, however, I ended up coming back inside,I couldn't get warm or quit shaking long enough to do that. If I would have still been at the old house, my dear friend Patty would have gotten a call. However, we had only been here in the new house for two months, I didn't really know anyone good enough to call them in the middle of the night. After a very long scary, night John got home and took me immediately to the emergency room. The hospital here conversed with Dubois and Pittsburgh a good part of the day, they ran test after test trying to determine what was wrong with me. The next morning early (or maybe it was later the same day, not to sure about that. ) I was on a helicopter for UPMC. I remember the pain I was in, my back, my head, being the worst at this point. A funny thing here, but I remember lying on my back on that stretcher and hearing the wind whistling around the door. I reached up and held on to the door the entire trip down. I think I was trying to hold the door shut just in case the wind caught it and ripped it open. I was there this first time for 9 days and unconcious for most of them. The prognosis at that time was a heart attack caused by pneumonia. Little did we know at that time that it would be months later, another heart attack and another helicopter ride before we'd know the truth. Apparently the doctor didn't know what had caused the fluid in my lungs and the heart attack and this was the best they could do. Thank God that the second time around they weren't quite so quick to diagnose it and thank God for Dr. F..the very best cardiologist around and one who was determined to find out the cause. These heart attacks had been caused by a very rare, very deadly tumor on an adrenal gland. A tumor called a pheochromocytoma, a very rare tumor that is very often undiagnosed. I had been having symptoms for quite some time, years actually, but sure didn't have a clue what was causing me to have the shakes that i would get at weird times. Like when I was training for Lowe's and after busting a shoplifter at Ames...now we know it was due to the excess adrenaline from the tumor on the adrenal gland but at the time I would just chalk it up to stress or whatever. I do remember that even lying on my left side would give me the shakes and now I just hope and pray that the doctor's got it all and that it doesn't come back.
I still go for tests yearly, and this is the first time that I don't have to go every 6 months. Normally I would have been doing the test and going to UPMC this month, but they have decided that things have been good for long enough that we can wait to Sept this time.
This tumor is a strange thing and they cannot tell if it is cancerous or not. No way to determine that except through the urine tests or blood tests that they do. So we watch and we wait and we pray. And we thank God for all of the wonderful doctors and nurses who gave me back my life.
Oh, and its also now 2 years since I quit smoking. I was determined after those 9 days withhout a smoke to not start again. It's been tough. there are still days where I would love one. I'm hoping that now that I finally put thought and words to all of this that maybe it will vanish..or at least fade a bit and quit haunting me. Some things I am always going to wonder about though, like John telling me that I was quite upset and couldn't talk because of the tubes in my throat but I was quite aggitated trying to tell them somthing. Of course they had me quite drugged up, I guess the nurse finally gave me paper and pen and I scribbled something unreadable but then went back to sleep. Or what the reason could possibly be that within days of getting home I had to have the fish tank set up..the one that Adam and Paul had bought me years before for Christmas, It had been in the basement for years and not used but it had to be cleaned, filled and have fish within days of being home. I wasn't even allowed to drive yet the day i went to walmart for those fish...Some of these things we aren't going to ever know. It is funny how emotional it all still leaves me. I remember the doctors and nurses telling me that after a heart attack patients get real emotional and it can last quite a while, well I can tell you I'm ready for that to go away any time now too. I am very tired of the emotional roller coaster i feel like I'm on a lot of the time. I do think that has gotten some better however, I am not quite as quick to laugh uncontrollably. Still easy and quick to cry though.
I walked up to the big pond just minutes ago. Did see the fish under the water even though its awful cloudy and murky, thanks to all of the rain and melting snow we've had. No sooner got up there than I saw a big bird flying in and circling the pond over head. The king fisher is back already this year, no doubt looking for lunch. I am so grateful the net is still up, however we do need to do some minor repairs to the stakes holding it up. this picture is taken from enature.com but the camera is out and hopefully will get a picture of "Our Kingfisher" but without any fish. I did see a few of the goldfish under the water. Cannot wait for it to clear up. also, took a short quick spin up and down the drive on the new bike, waiting for it to warm up a bit.
